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What I Did and Learned in 2025: Part 2 — The Reconnection

Originally published on Medium

What I Did and Learned in 2025: Part 2 — The Reconnection

[Continued from Part 1: The Implosion]

My pet plushy Aadu.

Reconnecting: The Hardest and Best Thing I Did

After my friends Safin and 🦆 forgave me for pushing them away, something shifted. I realized I had hurt more people than just them. People I cared about. People who deserved better from me.

So I started reaching out and accepted when they reached out.

Sabu: We hadn’t talked for a long time. It was over money and a failed trip arrangement. I should have been empathetic towards him, but I wasn’t. But this time I went to his home myself the first chance I got. He and his family treated me nicely. We had a heart-to-heart conversation for almost an hour and a half. And like I usually do, I cried. We both asked each other for forgiveness. We reconnected. He gave me a lift on his scooty on the way back to the bus stand. I hugged him from behind on the way. I will never forget that moment.

Sabu Home

Nattu: I didn’t love him the way he deserved, so I had previously told him I didn’t want to be friends anymore as I didn’t want to fake friendship with him. Realizing how much I had hurt him, I tried connecting back. He forgave me like nothing ever happened in the first place. Only he can show that kind of love. I wish to be like him.

Peanut: In April, of course. She’s so dear to me. Even before we tried to take our friendship to the next level, she meant a great deal to me. She still does.

SB Praveen (Bonda): We were friends during school, college, and post-college, but I wasn’t there for him when he was going through a tough time. I should have been, but I was not. He connected with me on LinkedIn, so I accepted. He took the initial effort, probably he is still angry at me. “Sorry da bawa.” We had an hour-long reconnection session. He forgave me for all the wrongs I did. I connected back with him again.

Goms: Goms is my best buddy from back in the day of Infy. I care for her a lot. But one small incident — her ghosting me — made me snap. I don’t like when somebody ghosts me. She didn’t reply for a few days. It killed me at that point, and I ended my friendship with her. She also connected with me via LinkedIn, and having been reconnecting all year, I just couldn’t help but cry and talk to her again. By this point, all my anger went away. All the previous interactions had made me a new guy.

New Friends, New Brothers

I made new friends in the office this year — Brien, Dilip, and Prasanna. They’re like my kid brothers. I want them to succeed in life. I genuinely enjoy seeing them grow. I’m very proud of them.

Brien left, Dilip top

There’s also an online friend, Meena chan. We connected over One Piece, books, and anime. But since she and I were different people, and the fact that I’m very impressionable and fall for women so easily, I saved everybody the trouble and disconnected with a message. I should have waited for her message. But that is the kind of person I was at that time and still am to an extent.

I do wish to connect with Meena chan again, but… I guess not. Not sure how she will take it if I reach out again. Let’s see what the future holds. Never again will I push people away. That’s my learning.

The Truth I Finally Saw

I learned that under the pretense of being a kind or good soul, I neglected my own emotions. I was not true to myself. This year liberated me from that lie.

For some reason, I relied more on 🦆 for my emotions. I didn’t think to check if she was willing to take it for so long. I feel I pushed her too much, and our friendship took a backseat. I am playing pretend and still delusional. I pushed her to snap, in my eyes. I was angry at her for snapping, but sticking to my old habits, I didn’t express my anger or sadness.

Shortly after, she apologized and said she wanted to take a break. I acted mature this time by giving her space — which 2024 Rishab would not have done. Learning from my past.

Mid July: First Flight Experience and Family trip

First flight

I went to Andaman Islands for a family trip for a week. Flying is my dream. I had been wanting to fly in an aeroplane for so long in my life. It finally came true this year. I went with my brother (from another mother, of course), my kutty thangam (little sis), Athai, and amma. We visited Athai’s friend uncle there.

With Cute mummy

My mom never enjoys anything. I’m so proud and happy that I got to make my mom experience flying. Just thinking about it makes me smile and cry with joy. Wish Dad were here to see this. Fuck you, dad, for leaving me too soon.

First Scuba diving experience

August 1: The Spark of a Goal

I had just completed 3 years in my office this year. They gave me a commemorative trophy and cash reward and cake cutting, which I enjoyed a lot. Around the same time, Brien got converted to full-time in the office from intern. I see many similarities between Brien and Viswa, so it always makes me happy seeing his success. Then it started to hit me. The answer to my therapist’s question quietly kept bubbling.

October: The Musical Instrument and The Goal

In October, I decided to focus on myself even more. I bought a musical instrument (surprise for a later post I’ll share about this). It was supposed to arrive on October 8th or sometime sooner, but it came on October 10th. A sign, I thought to myself.

October 10th. Peanut’s birthday.

I love fucking surprising others, so all my heart wanted to play it for her first. But I didn’t. I chose my two anchors — Safin and Viswa — and showed them my first tune. Then I played it for her on her birthday. It was a good feeling.

I went to stay at Safin’s home for a week. After returning from his home, I found my answer. My calling. The answer to my therapist’s question. My goal for what to do with my life.

I didn’t want to neglect it, so I started focusing on it immediately. Only one person in this whole world apart from me knows what it is — my company’s co-founder/boss/colleague/good friend/mentor/accountability partner. I got his blessings and started working on it.

My life goal. My dream. My legacy. It’s now on the table.

March & November: The Surprises

On March 31st, I surprised Safin on his birthday by going uninvited to his home with a gift. Vishan helped a great deal in spying on Safin for me. My thought process was simple: he was hurt, he was deprived of the love he deserved. If those sons of bitches rob him of the joy, I’ll take matters into my own hands. I’ll see to it that fucking nobody else hurts my boy anymore. (Many moons later, I was the one who hurt him. I’m a stupid fuck lol.)

Surprising this fucker

On September 17th, I went to surprise Viswa. He asked me to come over to his apartment, but I said I was very busy with work. But unbeknownst to him, I went to his office. Hehe. He asked me where to order biryani to, I sent his office address, as he was still at the office. He came out, and I tried to hide. He was actively looking for where the fuck I was hiding. It was fucking amazing. Went and had dinner with his buddies at his home.

Surprising Vijuwan

Just before my birthday, Viswa came to see me near my office. Picked me up on his big ass borrowed bike, travelling all the way from OMR to see me. (OMG I just love Viswa so much. Just writing this makes me feel happy.) We had a great time talking and having dinner.

Viswa surprised me for my birthday

During November 9, 12:03am midnight on my birthday, all my buddies surprised me at my home. Paambu (Prathap), Hari (my other younger brother from another mother), Brien, Yuvaraj (we call him Aadu), and most importantly, Safin.

Paambu was so busy with work — I know how busy he is. Hari is also super busy juggling college and his preparation. Brien had been waiting for almost 2 hours in the street waiting for all the others to gather. Yuvaraj came all the way from Bangalore by train just for me. He was having the worst time of the year. My cute Aadu, overcoming all his sadness, came to surprise me. Safin came by train from Trichy. Just for me. How lucky I am. Turns out they roped my mom in on this surprise. I cannot fathom how they were able to include her and still maintain it as a surprise.

There were many sweet moments that could have ruined the surprise:

Midnight surprise

Fuckers pulled off the biggest surprise of my life. I was expecting a wish from Safin and Viswa, but never in a million years would I have guessed they’d visit me for my birthday. They surprised the heck out of me.

Paapu’s gift plushy

Many people wished me. My little sis gave me a puppy plushy. 🦆 wished me too on that day, despite us taking a break. That made it even more special. She means so, so, so fucking much to me. And Peanut being Peanut, always never misses to wish me too.

Best birthday so far.

December: A New Home

I had to shift homes this year due to apartment politics and neighbors and house owners from my old home. They drove me to my extreme by lying to me and manipulating me in their own ways, which hurt me deeply.

At the start of December, I moved to a new rented house — one I chose, with my mom’s permission (which never happens, you know). She agreed to the budget of the home. We both chose this together.

I’m so glad. I acted responsibly for the first time in my life this much and sorted out the housing part of my life. I felt very happy. Finally, I’m able to give my mom a kitchen big enough to cook in, after all these years.

I was in a very dark place during the start of December. But eventually, after letting it all out to Viswa, I was able to forgive those who had hurt me too.

New Family

My boss got a child. My friend Vishan got a child (I call him John Wick). Paambu’s wife and his elder sister have become close to me as well. My buddy Shekar ki got a child born on January 3rd (literally yesterday). My sister’s friend J.S. — she’s kind of sweet, and after seeing her care, I’ve started seeing her as part of my family. Rishi, my office colleague (went out with him on January 3rd and got to see his true self) — planning to adopt him as my younger brother too. Hehe.

I have become a multi-time uncle. I’m so happy. I’ve got so much to live for, so many people to spend this life with. So many people’s love.

The One Thing That Still Hurts

Something close to heart

I made my mind up to not marry anyone else and keep this place for Peanut always. Even though I desire romance and a relationship and all the bundle that comes with it, I do cry once every 2–3 months that I cannot hold her hand in marriage.

I’m very stubborn. And though many great things happened this year, this is still a pain in my life journey.

I wish I don’t disturb her peace. I still wish for her to choose me, but I know that’s not happening. I wish her to be happy. Whoever gets to hold her hand in marriage, I hope he takes care of her. He will never know — I would sacrifice many things in life to just be in his place, by her side.

If I could say something to her, it would be this:

“When I said ‘Family is effort,’ I meant to say: love will be gone — it’s just a hormone. After it’s gone, even if I fall out of love, I will put in the effort every day to take care of you. I have my flaws, but I keep striving to improve, you know. I was framing this the wrong way to you and everybody else, saying you’re perfect, perfect. It wasn’t that. You are enough! Nee podhum di yenaku! ”

I secretly wish maybe she reads this and gets back, and all that kind of imaginary shit. But no man should ever force a woman to choose him. Choosing is love, and if it’s not mutual, I should let go.

Haha, this is all just gonna die with me. That’s funny as hell in the big picture.

Safin sent me this. helped alot, you know.

The Risk I’m Taking

I know this is deeply personal. This could bite me back years later. I thought of this possibility. But like many decisions I take, I just said, “Well, fuck it.” I’m doing this. I’ve got nothing to lose. I was prepared for the worst.

Looking Forward

I’m hoping I achieve my dream in the next four years. One day, I’m gonna change this world for the better, and this year is the first step.

I wish to atone for all my sins. Having failed to take care of Dad, I wish I take care of Mom at the very least.

I may not marry anyone. Things might change. I don’t know what the future holds. But each year is only becoming better.

What I Learned in 2025

Night out with Safin and Yuvi

And this is the life of a 29-year-old guy figuring out his life. One year at a time. One mistake at a time. One reconnection at a time. I wish to be truly kinder one day like the great ones that have lived before me or the ones that are alive now.

Here’s to 2026. 🥂

With ❣️, Rishab.